I'm having one of those "so incredibly aware of my mortality that I'm sick to my stomach" days.
A friend, who's family has been going through a medical crisis with her sister recently wrote a long post one day about what she's learned this far to be important in life. It was one of those posts that you really love reading but that leaves you with this strange unsettling feeling in your stomach afterwards. The crazy awareness that we really don't have much time here and when we're done here, we'll never be human on earth again.
I can't sit with that thought for long because I literally get woozy and feel like I'm going to yak up the contents of my leftover fajitas I had for breakfast. (Little known fact, I'm not a huge sweets for breakfast person. I'm actually a really weird foods for breakfast person. I think my Grandma bred this is me when she used to let me have leftover spaghetti for breakfast. I now crave things like pizza, spaghetti, grilled cheese, and cheeseburgers in the A.M)
Movies that have quotes like this don't help one bit:
Lorna: I mean, we all have our Prince Charming. You just gotta know him when you see him.
Jamie: Mom, it's Prince Charming! You should just know.
Lorna: Well, you're Prince Charming isn't coming to rescue you in a horse and carriage. That's not who you want. I mean, you're looking...you're looking for a man to be your partner. You could take on the world with. You gotta be your fairy-tale baby.
[to Dylan, referring to the long lost love of his life]
Mr. Harper: You know, my friends used to say, that when Dee Dee and I looked at each other, it was electric. And I...I let her go. I just let her go. Because I was too damn proud to tell her how I really felt about her. I'll tell you something, that I wish I knew when I was your age. And I know you've heard it a million times life is short. But let me tell you something. What this...this...
[referring to his Alzheimer's and pointing to his head]
Mr. Harper: ...is teaching me, is that life is God damn short and you can't waste a minute of it!
(from Friends with Benefits)
It's weird how these movies that you think will be totally superficial and just good for a laugh, ending up making you have some heavy-hitting feelings at the end,
And friends who get all cheated on and smashed up by their BUTTFACE boyfriends make you selfishly realize what kind of loving man you have (or want) in your life.
This is a weirdo, I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders kind of day. I can't get these yucky mortality feelings out of my head. I've compiled a few pictures/quotes that keep these thoughts in me to wrestle with, but that help put some sort of framework on them:
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes don't see as well and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. "But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand" The Velveteen Rabbit
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.” -Elizabeth Gilbert
“For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. ” -Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
“Life can only be understood looking backward. It must be lived forward.” -Eric Roth
(actually pretty much the whole Benjamin Button book/movie gives you these feelings...)
“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly
knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature
of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of
faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just
be... a prudent insurance policy.”
-Elizabeth Gilbert
Kind of heavy for a Tuesday, I'm aware. But it was one of those, "this is bugging me I gotta talk or write about it soon before I faint 'cause I just can't take it any more" things...
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