Brain Overload

HOLY MOLY. Yesterday was just one of those days... My brain, feet, body and whatever else just ached and I was so ready to climb in bed that when I finally did, all I could do was lay there. My mind wouldn't stop whizzing and my joints were just screaming at me.

I taught my first 70 minute lesson yesterday with 5 minutes notice. It was over theme and mood. A great lesson, the kids were kind of a pain but overall it went well.

My dog loves chicken salad. I do not. This is very convenient when I forgot I didn't like chicken salad, made a whole bowl then spat out the first bite. Watty's had a full tummy this week.

I'm dreaming about Freschetta Four Cheese pizza right now...and this recipe

Garlic Bread Soup. Shut UP

On the upside, I've lsot an inch off my waist! All this work is finally starting to show just a tad bit. Unfortunately when I get stressed I LOVE me some Hot Tamales and a big fat Coke, but then I have to hit the gym and cry a little to work it off.

I keep having the strangest dreams. I think a serious case of senioritis combined with a side of fried brain is causing my synapses to fire in the strangest sequences at night. The most recent ones have been watching one of my fifth graders drive a car around Emporia and a mass murder at a rodeo... I'm seriously losing it...

I need a vacation that involves lots of margaritas, chips and salsa and some sunshine. Seriously though, the only thing I can think about at the moment is how big of a margarita I'm gonna down on May 12th after I toss that cap as far in the air as the sucker will go. Bring it.

Oh, and I want to be this lady...

Love/Hate Monday

Because Monday's and I have a general love/hate relationship (as in they love to creep up on me and I just plain hate them) I've decided to try an ongoing series where I talk about all the things I'm loving/hating at the moment on Monday's.

Love/Hate

Did this bad boy (1000 rep) for my workout today. HATE the burn, the aching, the calves and legs trembling for me to just give up. LOVE that sweaty exhausted, I DID THE DAMN THING feeling when I'm laying on the floor exhausted when I'm done.

Lou and I did a run in the cold last night. It was probably around 40 degrees. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE the cold. But the upside was, it felt easier to run for some reason. My knees were killing me, too stiff from the cold, but we did 3.3 miles and it was a breeze compared to staring at the window while on the treadmill. The best part was, he was wearing a black hoodie and ran with his hood up. He ran just a few feet behind me so to passersby it probably looked like this little tiny girl was about to get mugged by this big ol' brute. LOVED seeing that shadow in the streetlights.

Not my hand

Sinful Colors nail polish. LOVE all the yummy neon colors, LOVE that it dries in a jiffy, LOVE that it's like 2 buckaroos a Walgreen's. HATE that it has a nasty matte finish that requires a lot of topcoat.

Just Plain Hate

The fact that I'm moving in about 2 weeks. Yes I'll still get to stay with the 'rents over the Christmas holiday. But I am officially going to be 1.5 hours from Lou, and 3 hours from any family...I'm kinda freakin' out. Student teaching alone is freaking me out, let alone that I'm GRADUATING soon. I'm not ready for this dose of reality.

WINTER WINTER WINTER WINTER. COLD COLD COLD COLD. NASTY YUCKY GROSS GO AWAY. AND STAY AWAY. I think maybe a move to Arizona is in line...

Just Plain Love 

At the moment I'm loving my some old school Brian Adams. (You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you) Come on, you know you were singing it to yourself.

Papa cuddling with Elliot

Big Dome Bret gettin' her grub on

El and Watty bonding

Hibachi Buffet in Lawrence with a full sushi bar. UNREAL

That Poncho's still makes pork tenderloins bigger than Dad's head

My mini martini flight at Houlihan's

Kiddo's that crawl under the table  for a perfect photo-op

When you say "smile" this is the face Macaroni gives you :)

 

Wishes

I've discovered something so genius and so simple it almost hurt my brain...

Santa, pretty please? (sans hairy attached arm)

It's the new iPod nano on a WATCH. Like as in I could wear this wherever and whenever, in a house and with a mouse, in a box and with a fox. Okay you get the idea. But seriously. I WANT this bad boy. Especially for all of those embarrassing moments on the treadmill when my flailing arms swipe at my ear-bud cord and whack my iPod on the floor. Not my proudest moments.

Speaking of treadmill, I've been cheating on the couch with that bad bay a lot lately. By a LOT I mean about 6 miles this week, plus regular badass babe iron-pumping. I'll tell ya, there's nothing that makes a woman feel hotter than being the only female in the weight room just crankin' out those squats and bicep curls. No New Years resolution needed.

Know what else is stellar about working out and eating healthy? Strong long nails, healthy shiny hair, glowing skin WITHOUT pimples and NOT BEING TIRED ALL THE TIME. My energy and general happiness is through the roof right now! As Elle Woods would say...

So if you hear about any husband shootings over the holiday season. Wadn't me! Not that I have a hubs to shoot anyways but  I do have a hunky boyfran. I won't shoot him. Promise. Unless of course he takes the last scoop of creamed corn, sweet potatoes or slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving dinner. In that case, it's on.

So by, now most of you who know me know that I'm a frequent visitor (note:obsessive stalker) of Pinterest. The only downfall to this site, like Wikipedia, is that all the content is user generated. Therefor not always accurate or fact-checked etc. This caused a major depressive moment this morning when I discovered this:

CANNED HEAVEN?! WHAT?!

Only to type in a quick Google search for "Franzia cans" and quickly discover that this cheapster wino holy grail was simply a Photoshop creation and is not, in fact an actual product. Cue incessant sobbing. No, really.

Adventures in Cooking

Been flexing some serious culinary creativity lately...

This one took me back to the night that Chelsea and I ate at Pizza Express in London in the plaza of St. Paul's Cathedral. The cathedral was all lit up, we sipped wine, giggled and savored some awesome pizza and a humongo dessert.

Margherita Phyllo Dough pizza. 6 sheets of Phyllo dough, olive oil, pizza sauce, Italian seasonings, garlic, maters, spinach, fresh mozzarella = crispy yummy heaven

And Thursday we made Spaghetti Squash. Just poke several holes in a spaghetti squash, microwave for 15 minutes, pull out core and seeds and then full a fork through to make noodles. Delish and soooooo low in calories.

Pinching Pennies

I have to admit, I LOVE to shop. I'm a big believer in retail therapy. But lately I've noticed that when I come home with anything new, I'm overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I already have. This is getting particularly stressful because I have to pack up and move AGAIN in just a few weeks.

So I've been doing my best to use what I have lately, and get rid of what I don't need. I took a bag of old clothes and shoes that were in perfect condition but that I just didn't wear, and got 15 bucks from a local consignment store. I've been (painfully) passing up invitations to eat out from friends. (This one is a huge challenge for me, especially dollar margaritas and bottomless amazing salsa at La Hacienda)

But this whole process is forcing me to get creative, simplify, and think if I really need to order that pizza or can I slap some spaghetti sauce and cheese on some toast and toss it in the oven...

Food is probably the hardest, with shopping coming in a close second. But eating at home makes me also insanely concious about what I'm putting into my body, as opposed to heading to a restaurant and tossing all cares aside for that 1,110 calorie quesadilla burger. Note, I haven't had one of these in the two years since I found out how horrible they are. It's the single most unhealthy entree at Applebees...

And I haven't given up everything, I'm jsut trying to swap it. Ryan and I's date nights for cheap wings at Applebees used to consist of Boneless breaded wings that are about 150 cals a piece, plus an appetizer. We now opt for bone in, no breading, still not great for you but way better...

I'm trying I really am. And some days its tougher than others. But I'm clipping coupons, haven't eaten out in a week, and I'm constantly on the lookout for deals and steals. I figure the earlier I adopt these habits, the better off I'll be in the long run.

(I really really really wanna go get sushi across the street on my lunch break but I'm going to go home and have a turkey sandwich, mixed feelings...)

One of those Mom's

DISCLAIMER: If you are in any way disillusioned that I will never have a family or children of my own and this thought makes your stomach turn, stop reading now. If, however you want to dream with me for a few minutes, read on...

During mornings at work, when I stare at my computer screen for 4 hours, I find myself daydreaming about a lot of things. This mostly consists of a happily ever after, and all of the little minions that I want running around my house someday. Today's daydreams are this:

I want to be one of those moms who decorates for all the seasons and holidays. I want to create a magical home that transforms with the joy of each new celebration.

I want to be a wife and mom who cooks. I want to make a commitment to my future family to sit at the table and create the memories that will bind us together long after they're gone.

I will build forts with my kids. This is a non-negotiable. This was one of my favorite things to do as a kid and I still find so much magic in it. And I will let them sleep in it and tear it down later. A fort ain't a fort unless its a slumber-party fort.

I want to raise readers. My life was transformed by books. I've chosen my career path because of books. I understand, sympathize and empathize so much better because of books. Readers are thinkers and dreamers and doers. There is nothing that can replace the ability to be an imaginative human being.

I want to be a mom who doesn't care if the kids have a little too much ice-cream in their lives. I hate that some people deprive their kids of any kind of sugar for years. Half the fun of being a kid is eating too much crap, going on sugar highs then crashing big time. Sprinkles are not just for special occasions.

I want to be a mom with a tattoo. Yes, a tatted up mama.

I don't ever want to be a mom who frets over a ball thrown in the house. As long as no one's bleeding and nothing of serious value gets broken, I am a strong advocate for early practicing of those 50-yard spirals. And the bleeding is negotiable...

I may succumb to the whines someday but I'd really like to be a no-gaming household. Nothing was ever learned from an Xbox. I will force my kids to play outside, go exploring and get dirty. At the end of the day if they don't come home with grass stains, muddy faces and novel-length tales of all the conquering they did, I will consider my job unfinished.

 For the record, these days are yet to come, eons in the distant future (Dad that's for you). But frankly, I can't stinkin' wait :)

Conflict and a Naked Butt

 I have a problem with people who think conflict is bad. I'm not going to sit here and advocate that we all go be confrontational people, but in my experience, if our lives are free of conflict we are floating in a sea of mediocrity, refusing to pipe up about what we feel is right in terms of the universe.

I am kind of a force of nature. My blog title, the one that everyone fell in love with two years ago and I had to resurrect due to popular demand is a testament to that. It's a well known fact that I ain't the sweetest peppermint in the candy jar. But I make no apologies.

I have few regrets in my life, and I think my defining characteristic is also my favorite one about myself. I don't typically keep my mouth shut or push anything to the back of my mind that bothers me. I comment, usually loudly and publicly about just how it is that I think the universe isn't wielding justice at a particular moment. This has gotten me into trouble, it has made a lot of people intimidated of me (this I have recently discovered and was initially mortified.) But I'm okay with it.

I typically go with my gut, and quickly. I'm not easily swayed by others. I'm incredibly tolerant of beliefs, lifestyles etc, but I am absolutely intolerant of ignorance, laziness and disrespect. Hey, to each their own, but no one ever got anywhere by sitting on their ass, refusing to do any work and telling everyone else what was the right and wrong thing to do.

I recently went to the education career fair at Emporia State. I'm graduating in less than 6 months. Cue hyperventilation. I had never before interviewed for a professional job, and I interviewed for 9 that day. With little preparation and excessive perspiration, I barreled through it and was incredibly well-recieved.

I have my theory about this. You see, many other students there were better prepared, more seasoned at interviewing and knew exactly what their battle plan was for the day. But I am unwavering. I make decisions and I answer questions with decisiveness, unafraid of whether they will be well-received or not. I felt a great rapport with most of my prospective employers.

Conflict is good for us. It teaches us where our limits our, what we really believe, and how far we are willing to go for it. It teaches us to stand our grand and not be stomped over in the face of adversity. Without conflict, we cannot grow. In our personal and professional lives, we cannot overcome if we have not struggled.

I'm not a conflict-monger, but I am a fighter, and I have learned that you've got to find the people in your life that share your same vibrations. That through the nasty crap, you are on the same level. You're able to recognize at times that you're just being a straight up jerk. But when you have people in your life who know you and know how you operate, this isn't something that becomes a huge problem. You get through conflict by learning how you operate in times of it, then you recognize it and for God's sake, use it to your advantage.

This picture is completely irrelevant, but so necessary to share:

It's Hard to be Okay,

“There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love 

I'm on an Elizabeth Gilbert kick lately. I have yet to read Eat,Pray, Love, due to lack of extraneous funds, but I WANT IT SO BAD. In the meantime, I've been pouring over a lot of her quotations. One of my favorite things about this woman is her undeniable recognition of her own failings. In all of her quotes she is constantly talking about how hard it is to just be okay sometimes. But what makes her so inspirational to me is how she goes on to talk to herself about why she's not okay, what she's trying to do to fix it, and how she sometimes just really screws it up all alone.

This passage is one of my favorites at the moment. It's long, bear with me...

 “So tonight I reach for my journal again. This is the first time I’ve done this since I came to Italy. What I write in my journal is that I am weak and full of fear. I explain that Depression and Loneliness have shown up, and I’m scared they will never leave. I say that I don’t want to take the drugs anymore, but I’m frightened I will have to. I am terrified that I will never really pull my life together.
In response, somewhere from within me, rises a now-familiar presence, offering me all the certainties I have always wished another person would say to me when I was troubled. This is what I find myself writing on the page:

I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and Braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

Perhaps one of my most difficult struggles is not allowing my horrible days, my bad moods, my pains, to bleed over into the rest of my life. Hurting people hurt others. It's incredibly challenging to not take your anger, your frustration out on others. But what can we do? Its easier said than done, but perhaps, to take a page from Elizabeth's book, we should lend a hand of friendship to ourselves.

It can feel silly sometimes to think of ourselves as our own friend, but we have to be. Just as your relationships with others, family, lovers, friends, need lots of time and tending, so do our own relationships with ourselves. We must learn to recognize when we have pain and to address it so it doesn't take over our lives. Just as venting to a friend about a bad day can really help, talking to yourself, or journaling, can help us self-identify and deal with what is holding us back.

Loneliness is a plague. As Mother Teresa said, "the hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Some days it seems impossible to fill up our own love meters, but it begins within.  

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert 

It's a TGIF kind of day, so I'll leave you with a funny to help get through these last few hours 'till the weekend...